she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh god it's open bar.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
