they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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