god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
