I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
