Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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