one might say we're banned from that church
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
