I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
