I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
