nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize