Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
