I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
