just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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