I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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