Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
