my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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