just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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