i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
