I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
