Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
