Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
