That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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