It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize