I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
