Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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