She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
