i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
