Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
