You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize