Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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