Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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