WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
