He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
