i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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