You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
