where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
