A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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