No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
