a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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