you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
