If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
