Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
