I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
