its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
