I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there was a trapeze. enough said
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
