Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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