Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
