Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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