Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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