your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
