Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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