my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
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adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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