im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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