FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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