Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
