we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's just like the Real World with babies
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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