ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
