I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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