We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
