I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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