The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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